what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
