I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Come on in and take your pants off
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