When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
