I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
