the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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