Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
