So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
