Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
