she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
