Joe is yelling at the trees again.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Randomize
