Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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