This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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