Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
