I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
