i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
