what if every blade of grass was a penis?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
