I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
