ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
