i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
