Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
