I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
