she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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