just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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