Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize