I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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