i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
