Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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