You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
