so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
