i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
