I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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