Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
