erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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