Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
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You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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