fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
