my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
