did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
