Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Vodka?
Forever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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