A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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