why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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