ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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