I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
