Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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