you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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