Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
They took my balls.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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