You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
