Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
