I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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