Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you had me at cake vodka
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
