im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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