Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
