Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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