my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
