She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
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Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
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Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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