omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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