his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
