Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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