I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
