You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
