Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
