I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
