just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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