the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Randomize
