He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
