Three words: puerto rican gang bang
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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