I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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