This is not my ceiling
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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