Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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