dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
