So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
