Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
