Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
