its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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