I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
